|
I
felt schizophrenic and I had to find ways to bring my torn world
together again in order to be able to continue my life.
In
the three years that have gone by, I did many things to get to where
I am today. I had to make a conscious effort to choose to be alive
again, because part of me went with my beloved son. Equally important
to me was to find new ways of communicating: to come to terms with
my sense of loss I had to find a form to replace our close earthly
contact. I found the tool of writing. I had to express myself, to
not close up my pain in my system. So I painted. I heard from ‘the
other world’ in channelings. I heard Sjef whisper messages into
my ear at unexpected moments. It was an intense process.
Where
am I today? I am alive again. I can enjoy the sun shining in a new
way. I have learnt that there is nothing to be afraid of any more,
because the worst has happened to me. And I really have begun to
feel that. I live my life more intensely than ever before. I have
been shown, that that was one of his major gifts and examples to
me: to be 100% committed, the way he was as a dancer all his life.
I have gained strength.
Will
the pain ever go? Will I ever stop missing his earthly presence?
Probably not, but it is not consuming any more. And I have learnt
that I can experience excitement about life at the same time.
On
December 14, 2002 I woke up with the knowingness that this was the
day to present to the world that I am willing and ready to assist
others in the grieving process around their loved ones. I now know
I have something to offer that may be beneficial to others, realizing
that grieving is one of the most personal emotional processes, that
needs its own time and its own ways. I feel it was Sjef telling
me it was time....
My
dear friends, I am here for you to share and listen.
Amayra
|
